THE REAL TRUTH!

PORTEÑOS GETTING READY TO GO OUT

Ok, Before coming to Buenos Aires, I read a lot of books and blogs, but now that I've been around the block a time or two (and almost without getting lost, at that!) I want to put some of the fallacies I read to rest.
 

Firstly, let's start with:

Fallacy # 1: YOU KISS EVERYONE YOU SEE

Granted, some people might work hard to perpetuate this myth among young, beautiful naive visitors, and you do indeed do more kissing here than in a Harlequin romance, but it's not THAT kind of kissing, and it's not EVERYONE who crosses your path, as I was led to believe.
For instance, you don't kiss the driver of your taxi, or the bus driver, nor everyone you pass on the sidewalk, nor your waiter, nor the great looking stranger in the elevator (unless you are lucky enough to be introduced).
And if you ARE introduced, you don't actually kiss the person and leave big red lipstick marks on her cheek that you then attempt to rub off, like I did the first time I tried to pretend I was a cosmopolitan traveler of the world.
What you actually do is touch cheek to cheek and do a lot of air kissing. You DO do this upon greeting and when you take leave, and you DO do it to everyone in the room that you have been introduced to and you do it to both sexes and YES it does take a long time to arrive and leave any social gathering so you should plan for that, and that brings me to my next fallacy,

Fallacy #2: ARGENTINE TIME IS DIFFERENT THAN ELSEWHERE

 
Well, um, maybe this is more truth than fiction, since as I am writing this, I have been sitting in a cafe for over 45 minutes waiting for my cappuccino to arrive. But then again, I know it will be worth the wait, as the cappuccino here are made with the perfect amount fat and chocolate and cinnamon, and always come with some kind of chocolate cannelloni, and that's perhaps the essence of Argentina time . . . sure you wait around a bit, but you can put that wait to good use . . . for instance you could start kissing all those people who just showed up to hang out with you and by the time you finish that, maybe your drink will have arrived and the whole day will be delicious.
Also in Argentina, dinner does 't usually happen until after 10 p.m. and usually closer to midnight, which means no sleep until around 3 a.m. (unless you are going out clubbing, in which case sleep is not a factor) so really there IS lots of extra time in the day and therefore no need to rush. It's all about quality.

Fallacy # 3: ALL PORTEÑOS ARE STUNNINGLY GOOD LOOKING

Ok, again this is not exactly a fallacy but the truth is that Porteños don't seem to be any MORE beautiful per capita than people you would find in any city. There are a multitude of people here and everyone I have seen is interesting in some way or another, but I don't think that is exclusive to Buenos Aires. What may be true is that Porteño men seem to think ALL FEMALES not accompanied by another man are stunning beauties and feel compelled to to let them know by standing in every doorway and making kissey noises or whistles or even hisses and murmuring a slew of "compliments". I tell you, even the hunchback of Notre Dame would score points here if you put him in a tight dress! And to all my middle aged women friends who are complaining that they are invisible to the opposite sex, all I've got to say to you is, come take a stroll down a Buenos Aires sidewalk. If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, then invisible never looked so good!
 

ARGENTINES COME IN ALL SHAPES...

...AND SIZES

THE WOMEN OFTEN WEAR FANCY PANTS!

Duck?

Fallacy #4: EVERYONE IN ARGENTINA IS ADDICTED TO MATÉ

 
Ok, not a fallacy...

Maté is an infusion based on an herb called Yerba Maté. It is steeped with hot water and typically drunk from a gourd also called a maté with a metal straw called a bombilla.
There are various rules of etiquette around drinking maté, which is a usually a social ritual with everyone sharing the same gourd and bombilla. A couple of no-nos which I learned are don't make 'sour face'

 after you sip from the straw even though the maté tastes like old hay the horse has been tramping on with manure hooves, and don't say "gracias" when someone hands you the gourd because even though you think you are being polite by saying thanks, you are really telling the host that you don't want his maté because it tastes like old hay the horse has been tramping on with manure hooves. There are other more complicated rules which bear learning if you plan to visit because you will NEED to drink maté for its stimulating effect so you can stay awake until dinner.

RACHAEL IS OUT OF HER GOURD . . . ADDICTION IS NEVER PRETTY.

      

ALL BETTER NOW!

                               
 Now I am going off to share some maté with with Rachael's cat, Ofelia,

since she doesn't mind my barbaric manners, so ciao for now,
J



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